Official Apology

Dear reader,

We would like to apologise for the last post. It was made by one of our new recruits last night after we had all gone to the pub. We are trying to dismiss him for being, as we see it, ‘A little bit much’. Unfortunately it turns out he’s a member of the TGU (Terrorism and Guerrilla warfare Union), so we’re waiting until his contract’s up and we don’t have to give him a golden handshake.

While we work on removing the post our legal department has advised us to issue a public statement. Therefore, if anyone was offended please accept out sincerest apologies, the statements in question were made without official sanction or knowledge. A specific apology goes out to any victims of the 7/7 bombings who may have been reading this. As recompense please accept another BBC News report on how hard its all been but how well you’re all coping now. If your still not satisfied please write in and we’ll send you a free S.O.D.I.T bag.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter and once again, SORRY.

In other news our meeting with KPMG went very well. It turns out the organisations ‘culture’ is not what it could be, so we’re all going to the Dales next week for drum therapy and an intensive weekend of workshops. Hopefully by the end of all that our great plan will be back on track, or at the very least will be expressible in through bullet points.

Best

MD

Death to all Sinners

The West has become wasteful and decadent. Everywhere you look women are drinking themselves stupid, begging to have their gashes ploughed knee deep so that they may finally shit out another decrepit rat-child in the vain hope that this will give their life some small semblance of meaning. Their men are weak and timid, they hide in the kitchens foaming their tiny pricks over cheap Internet porn and crying themselves to sleep every night. Drugs are rampant. Children are thick. Everywhere people flock to shopping centres trying to silence GOD’s voice telling them their life is dirty and shameful. The government is corrupt and ineffectual. We’re shit at sport. There are foreigners everywhere.

This must all be cleansed. A surgeon would cut out the cancer to save the body. We, brave friends, are God’s surgeons and our body is this once great country. The 7/7 bombers were heroes; there’s was an act of mercy and of hygiene. Join our quest and rid yourself of the sick and diseased. Convert your miserable life into eternal history. Find the peace you have always sought. Accept the grace of GOD and our great mission.

Jeff Bonce (fundamentalist)