Friday, January 12, 2007

We need a look.

One of the things we realised on our travels is how well dressed a lot of other terrorists were. So we feel we need to design a fantastically flashy uniform for our members. But being moderately liberal we want to open up the style debate to the public. So first off headwear, what’s scarier the Burka or the Balaclava, vote now!!!

Gush Rhymehart (head of fashion and street cred)

sorry for the delay, but its in company name

Sorry for the apparent lack of giving a fuck in keeping up with out interweb communications, but then the organisations tendency towards apathy is hinted at in our name.

Anyway we've all been on gap years (although we ran out of money early) trying to learn about terrorism in other cultures: you know see the world and expand our minds a bit.

The thing that really blew our minds about other cultures is just how much they all seemed to get what we were talking about. I remember a very interesting member of the Khmer Rouge who talked till the early hours about tolerance and the need for a pure sprit and healthy salt free diet. We also had drinks in a hotel bar with a member of Tamil Eelam and discussed whether Madonna should have been allowed to adopt; needless to say he thought the press should just leave her alone and allow her to focus on her art.

Basically we came away from our trip feeling we'd sorted a lot out in our own heads and have returned full of ideas and eager to carry on our campaign. So keep yourselves posted.

Garth Brooks (ultra villain)

Monday, October 30, 2006

Online Application Process

In order to streamline the recruiting process we have decided to add an online application stage. All interested parties please fill out the questions below keeping answers to fewer than 250 words.

Many thanks and best of luck!

Lucy Springbolt

Head of Human Resources


1a) are you male or female?

2a) what is your country of birth?
2b) what is your country of residence

3a) what is your occupation?

4a) what is your total net income per annum?

5a) are you a home owner?

6a) do you donate to political parties/terrorists organisations?

7a) would you be willing to give S.O.D.I.T power of attorney?

8a) would you rather kill or be killed?
8b) why?

9a) do you believe in an afterlife?
9b) which one?

10) which of these animals would you rather be:
a) a Semtex snake
b) a Ricin rabbit
c) a sniper salmon

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Product Release: the diPod

Product release: the worlds smallest Digitally Intelligent Portable Object Detonator or 'diPod'

S.O.D.I.T are thrilled to announce that we’ve teamed up with Apple to release the world’s smallest and most powerful portable detonator yet. At only 0.26 of an inch in width this handy little trigger will easily slip inside any tailor made shoe or hat. With up to 24 hours of battery life and a incredible range of 3 miles you never need fear being close to one of your detonations again. Not only that but with 2GB, 4GB or 8GB of storage you can listen to all your fundamental texts (comes loaded Rawl’s theory of justice) and up to 10,000 songs for those long plane journeys. And finally if it all goes wrong the super bright LCD screen can be used to call attention to yourself in rubble.

If this ultra cool device doesn’t get heads turning then your just not using it right. Prices start from £89.99 and can be purchased from any good distributor of WMD’s or Ebay.

Explosions. Now coming
from an diPod near you.

Jane Gummings (MEng, MSC)
Head of R&D

First Images of the diPod

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Official Apology

Dear reader,

We would like to apologise for the last post. It was made by one of our new recruits last night after we had all gone to the pub. We are trying to dismiss him for being, as we see it, ‘A little bit much’. Unfortunately it turns out he’s a member of the TGU (Terrorism and Guerrilla warfare Union), so we’re waiting until his contract’s up and we don’t have to give him a golden handshake.

While we work on removing the post our legal department has advised us to issue a public statement. Therefore, if anyone was offended please accept out sincerest apologies, the statements in question were made without official sanction or knowledge. A specific apology goes out to any victims of the 7/7 bombings who may have been reading this. As recompense please accept another BBC News report on how hard its all been but how well you’re all coping now. If your still not satisfied please write in and we’ll send you a free S.O.D.I.T bag.

Thank you for your understanding in this matter and once again, SORRY.

In other news our meeting with KPMG went very well. It turns out the organisations ‘culture’ is not what it could be, so we’re all going to the Dales next week for drum therapy and an intensive weekend of workshops. Hopefully by the end of all that our great plan will be back on track, or at the very least will be expressible in through bullet points.



Death to all Sinners

The West has become wasteful and decadent. Everywhere you look women are drinking themselves stupid, begging to have their gashes ploughed knee deep so that they may finally shit out another decrepit rat-child in the vain hope that this will give their life some small semblance of meaning. Their men are weak and timid, they hide in the kitchens foaming their tiny pricks over cheap Internet porn and crying themselves to sleep every night. Drugs are rampant. Children are thick. Everywhere people flock to shopping centres trying to silence GOD’s voice telling them their life is dirty and shameful. The government is corrupt and ineffectual. We’re shit at sport. There are foreigners everywhere.

This must all be cleansed. A surgeon would cut out the cancer to save the body. We, brave friends, are God’s surgeons and our body is this once great country. The 7/7 bombers were heroes; there’s was an act of mercy and of hygiene. Join our quest and rid yourself of the sick and diseased. Convert your miserable life into eternal history. Find the peace you have always sought. Accept the grace of GOD and our great mission.

Jeff Bonce (fundamentalist)

Friday, October 20, 2006

We've Blown it

Our accountant has just informed us that we’ve blown (absolutely no pun intended) our annual Semtex budget on a graphic designer and logo conceptualiser, both of which turned out to be shit. The logo couldn’t be read on business cards and we’re not actually sure ‘logo conceptualiser’, is a real job. Anyway please send explosives, letter bombs and singed American flags to our head office address so we can carry on with our grand plan.

More details about what the ‘Grand Plan’ is coming soon.

Jeffrey Stunmen (MEng)

Head of Development

P.S. Rupert, the work experience lad, has lost his hand and been dismissed.

P.P.S. Please clearly label donated packages

P.P.P.S. If anyone's interested in CV building and work experience at a cutting edge and dynamic international organisation drop us a line. Successful applicants will have two hands.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

S.O.D.I.T are Recruiting

Hi Everyone,

We thought you might be interested to know that S.O.D.I.T are recruiting. That’s right we’re looking for suicide bombers. If you're interested please email your CV with a picture of you attached and a 250 word description of why you think you would make a good suicide bomber. Successful applicants will be invited down to our London HQ for an IQ test and practical training. Please bring £5.50 in change for a (tax deductible) all day travel pass.

Lucy Springbolt

Head of Human Resources

Hail! A New Dawn

Hi everyone,

Welcome to the 'sort of dedicated international terrorists' or S.O.D.I.T blog. We are a group of moderate liberals who have decided to radicalise. We've been radical now for about 3 months and so far it’s going rather well! :)

It's always difficult to generate publicity for a new project, especially one as ground breaking and far reaching as ours. Yet thanks to the success of our launch night at the Cromwell Rooms in South Ken we've picked up some great media contacts. As a result S.O.D.I.T's director of media communications Graham Bomb BA, MA, Mphil will be giving an interview in Loaded next month. A full transcript will be available here. We are also holding a booze cruise that’s open to the general public on December the 12th, tickets cost £5 and can be purchased here remember to bring some form of identity or else you won't be allowed on the boat.

But anyway; what is S.O.D.I.T all about I hear you cry! Well basically we got tired of all these drab, convoluted and tough to join terrorist agencies. So we decided to set up the hippest, most up to date terrorist organisation yet. Our main hatreds are:

Chechen Human Rights abuses

The depletion of Earth's natural resources

Bob Geldof


People who play music through their mobile phones on the back of buses - in fact we hate that so much that we were going to blow up a bus in order to make a point but our media consultants told us it had already been done and might seem stale or unoriginal. After looking into it we found out he was right! Well I guess you don’t get to charge £200 per hour without being the best.

However we like to think that our aims and goals are always changing to reflect that of today's intellectual youth so by all means if you have a cause or a hatred that you would like S.O.D.I.T to react against why not email it in? (Please keep proposals to less than 250 words).

So now you have the lo-down on what we’re about spread the word, get your mates involved, buy some merchandise and help start the revolution. Remember unless you S.O.D.I.T nothing gets done!